Friday, February 13, 2009

Thank You Google

So my brain has basically been inundated with school work lately, AND nothing funny has happened to me. That's really hard to believe isn't it? What does that mean for you, my faithful blog readers? No new blogs :( So I said to myself this morning, "self, you are going to post a new blog today if it kills you!" Then I remembered google analytics, and how those kinds of posts are great if you are lacking funny blog fodder because they pretty much write the post for you. So here is installment #3 of Google and the Freaks That Use It: Google searches that led people to my blog...

1. Tattoo coming up the pants - if your tattoo is coming up your pants it may be time to lay off the acid.

2. Wee my pants - You had a baby recently, didn't you?

3. Nicknames that start with the letter P - If you are googling potential nicknames, then you probably aren't cool enough to have a nickname in the first place. Go back to your mom's basement and play world of warcraft.

4. Sassy pants doggie diaper - Paris Hilton, is that you?

5. Sassy pregnant smoker - There is nothing "sassy" about a pregnant smoker. Replace the word sassy with the word selfish, or self-centered.

6. Southern sassy pants - I guess that would have been me before I became a mom.

7. SPM tattoo - OMG, someone out there loves me sooo much that they want to get a tattoo honoring me? Or perhaps they were talking about another SPM? Like say, the rapper South Park Mexican:

8. Cuss word grandma kitchen spongebob - You obviously read my blog.

9. Grandma pants 2009 - I'm guessing they probably look something like this, but with more elastic:

10. Hurting with a dog knot - Put the vodka and the dog down.

11. Meaning of sassy pants - It means I am a sweet southern belle, but I also don't take shit from anyone, and will happily put you in your place if you are being rude and/or condescending to me. I developed this trait from working in corporate america.

12. Mommy pants slang - Hmmm, I'm not sure if I have my own slang. I say stuff like buggy, wash rag, and washing powder. BD still makes fun of me about that. And he still laughs every.damn.time I say "can you cut the light off?"

13. Slim fast and lean cuisine diet - I don't recommend it. You'll just end up pissed off and still fat.
14. Dirty mommy cartoons - Wrong on so many levels.

15. Grandma got a tattoo - Yes she did.

16. Bow and arrow husband texas - I don't even know how to use a bow and arrow. Do you hear that cops-that-may-interrogate-me-someday?

17. Cartoon kids in big boy pants - I'm pretty sure most cartoon characters wear big boy pants and not diapers. You may want to try a different potty training method. "A" for effort though.


Crystal said...

Dude - the grandma pants picture? i think every girl in my high school had at least one pair in their closets and we would shove ourselves into them every time there was a country dance, especially when The Emotions played because not only were they fabulous country singers, but they could regulate any steel in the business. mount up.

Erin Jeannine said...

Um...what IS washing powder? My grandma says "wash rag" (actually, warsh rag) so I know that, and I'm assuming "buggy" is a stroller, but I'm totally lost on washing powder.

calicobebop said...

"Hurting with a dog knot" Where on Earth did that come from? Uh yeah, put down the vodka and dog please!

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

sassy, these are fantastic! and i love your commentary on each. i think the ones that cracked me up the most were the Grandma Pants 2009 and "can you cut the lights off?"

re: slang stuff--
my husband makes fun of me because (all i can think of at this moment) for saying "on accident" instead of by accident or accidentally. also, i refer to a ponytail as a "bofe-tee". i have no idea where this came from, but i said it once when i was a kid and it stuck. finally, i call a moth a "flamp". you're still weird though with your "washing powder". LOL.

Sassy Pants said...

Washing powder is laundry detergent. Duh. :) And a buggy is a shopping cart.

Aubrey said...

OMGawd! I can't stop laughing. This was good stuff! LOL

Erin Jeannine said...

Oh! I use liquid laundry detergent, so I had no chance of getting that one. And a grocery cart??? I'm pretty sure a buggy is a baby carriage in Britain. But then what is a pram? Okay, I'll give you grocery cart. I'm going to call it that from now on.