Friday, February 27, 2009

Warning: Mushy Post

Now that I'm done with my emotional breakdown I can start blogging again. I know what happened doesn't seem that significant to some people, but getting pregnant is something that has consumed my life for the past two years.

Last night I was in the bathroom getting a bath ready for baby boy. He was playing with his new tugboat on the floor. I was looking in the mirror, stretching my face, pulling my eyes up, messing with my hair. I think we all have those days. Those days where we've been beaten down, and we look in the mirror and think, "shit, is this all I really have to work with anymore?" I was having one of those moments, silently in my head. Then, as if he could read my mind, baby boy looked up at me and said, "momma, you're beautiful."

I began to cry. I picked him up and he wrapped his arms around my neck as tight as he could. I just held him there, his head nestled into my neck, and I cried. He patted my back with his little hand and whispered, "it's okay mommy." This whole time I've been searching for that missing piece of my family, and have forgotten what a wonderful gift I've already been given. My heart is overflowing with love for this little person. This little person that I was pregnant with, that I did give birth to, that I do get to hold every single day.

So baby boy, this is for you. I love you more than I could ever put into words. And I'm sorry for not realizing that my life was complete already.

10 comments:

Samsmama said...

That was just about the sweetest thing ever! I, too, am trying to get pregnant. And I also have a little piece of heaven that I adore. Just a lovely post!

Stacie said...

we have all been there in one way or another...hugs to you!

Cookie Crums said...

WOW!! just WOW! aren't those the moments that make everything ok. no matter what kind of day you've had or how crappy you feel.... those little guys can make it all instantly better.

Candice said...

I'm driving to Houston to kick you in the nuts 5 times for making me cry.

Better call for backup!

denise said...

I've been wondering when you would realize how blessed you are already... some of us have never had any of what you are fortunate to have.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

yeah, THANKS! i'm fucking crying my eyes out here! GAH!

but yeah, that's awesome. i remember holding my (then 2 1/2yr old son) in my arms and crying. crying because i had just given birth to his sister and she was taking every waking moment away from him and for that, i felt SO FUCKING GUILTY. but it's all good now. believe it or not.

i'll be thinking good thoughts for you to have another bun in the oven within the next 22 wks. ;)

Mary said...

man oh man- I was not prepared for that...there's something about those little hands soothing their mother that just breaks your heart- and makes you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Pearl said...

what a sweet post, i love your honesty. i seriously got choked up when i read this.

Kris said...

Well now that you have everyone crying! This is very sweet. My daughter does things like this for me and it keeps me going.
Found your blog from MoFM - love it

Aubrey said...

He gave you just what you needed, just when you needed it. So sweet!