Now that I'm done with my emotional breakdown I can start blogging again. I know what happened doesn't seem that significant to some people, but getting pregnant is something that has consumed my life for the past two years.
Last night I was in the bathroom getting a bath ready for baby boy. He was playing with his new tugboat on the floor. I was looking in the mirror, stretching my face, pulling my eyes up, messing with my hair. I think we all have those days. Those days where we've been beaten down, and we look in the mirror and think, "shit, is this all I really have to work with anymore?" I was having one of those moments, silently in my head. Then, as if he could read my mind, baby boy looked up at me and said, "momma, you're beautiful."
I began to cry. I picked him up and he wrapped his arms around my neck as tight as he could. I just held him there, his head nestled into my neck, and I cried. He patted my back with his little hand and whispered, "it's okay mommy." This whole time I've been searching for that missing piece of my family, and have forgotten what a wonderful gift I've already been given. My heart is overflowing with love for this little person. This little person that I was pregnant with, that I did give birth to, that I do get to hold every single day.
So baby boy, this is for you. I love you more than I could ever put into words. And I'm sorry for not realizing that my life was complete already.