As most of you know I live in Houston and work in one of the most ghetto fabulous parts of town...maybe not even ghetto fabulous, just plain ghetto. Today BFF and I decided to go to Jack in the Box for lunch. They have this meal deal where you get a cheeseburger, taco, fries and a drink for $2.99. No that is not a typo..$2.99!! And since were cheap and apparently don't care about our ever expanding asses, that is what we did.
We pulled up and it smelled like sewage in the parking lot. Awesome. Actually that's not even a rare smell for these parts. Then we walk in and it smells like a urinal cake. I verbally make note of it. BFF tells me to stop fucking analyzing smells because I'm ruining her appetite. So we order and get our grease wrapped in paper with a side of love handles and sit down. It was good. Of course it was good, it was probably the equivalent of 7,000 calories. Then we hop in the car and head on back to the office which is a couple of blocks away.
I pulled out of the parking lot onto the road and see a dude waiting to cross the street close to where we were. I didn't stop because he was fucking jaywalking and I had the right of way. So he speeds up when we get closer and I literally have to stomp on my brakes to keep from hitting this jackass. I really think he wanted me to hit him. So he's standing in front of my SUV's hood and our eyes meet. I give him my best "WHATTHEFUCKASSHOLE" look and he said, while standing in front of my CAR, "Yeah, you bettah stop BITCH! I'm a pedestrian!" Frankly, I'm shocked he even knew a word that big. I promptly flipped him off and said "FUCK YOU HOMELESS MAN!!" BFF doesn't think he was homeless, but I disagree because he was carrying a bottle of Windex. Clearly if you are carrying Windex you are using it to dive on cars at red lights to wash windshields and demand money. Because you are homeless! Take that BFF! I digress.
Word to the wise, homeless people of Houston, if another one of you assholes calls me a bitch while you are standing in front of my car, be prepared for your face to meet the asphalt.