Monday, January 12, 2009

Cartoons That Torture Me

Like most children his age, Baby Boy loves his cartoons. I feel guilty plopping him down in front of the TV, but I'm so busy lately that I have no choice. If I didn't occasionally do this we wouldn't have dinner, clean laundry, and a mom that showers.

I've compiled a list of his favorite cartoons, and an explanation of each in case you don't have a three year old at home. Let's just say, cartoons have changed a lot since I was a kid. Whatever happened to the Flintstones and Smurfs?

1. Wow-Wow Wubbzy - an unidentifiable creature that says "wow-wow" before every sentence. And yes, it is as annoying as you think it is. I just recently figured out that Wubbzy was a he. He also says stuff like bally-ball, kickety-kick, and bakety-bake. It makes me want to stickety-stick a forkety-fork in my eye.

2. Spongebob Squarepants - a yellow sea sponge (but looks more like a kitchen sponge?) that resides in Bikini Bottom. He lives in a pineapple, works as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab making Krabby Patties, and has a pet snail named Gary. Overall, he's not a bad guy except for his incessant fingernails-on-a-chalkboard laugh. Oh, and he wears tighty whiteys.

3. Yo Gabba Gabba - This is the kind of stuff that haunts my nightmares. Look at that freak show in the orange hat. His name is DJ Lance Rock. Rock is the last thing I want to do when this guy is on the TV. It's like a show straight out of the 70's with its retro music and psychedelic special effects. The characters names are Muno, Foofa, Brobee, Toodie, and Plex. This show was definitely created when someone was on a bad acid trip.

4. Ni Hao, Kai Lan - This is a cartoon about a Chinese girl and her animal friends. She speaks in half English and half mandarin. Like my kid isn't confused enough by English and Spanish. We live in Texas for fuck's sake. And by the way, I'm slightly disturbed by the ratio of her head and body size, not to mention how freakishly far apart her eyes are. When she wakes the sun up she tickles him, and then says "ohhh, sun fuzzies!" So I tried that with BB the other morning and he looked at me with a grimace and said "you know mommy, the sun doesn't really talk." Well excuse me person-that-has-been-on-this-earth a mere 38 months!

5. Max & Ruby - Max and Ruby are brother and sister that live alone...I have no idea what happened to their parents. Max is the small one. This little bastard has taught my son to revert back to baby talk to get what he wants, and then subsequently throw a huge tantrum when I don't respond. Thanks Nickelodeon.

6. Dora the Explorer - Hey, Nickelodeon, Dora and explorer don't rhyme. Dora speaks in half Spanish and half English, which is cool until BB starts speaking to me in Spanish and I have no idea what the hell he is talking about. Then he looks at me like I'm the dumbass. And whoever is the fashion coordinator on this show should be fired. Pink shirt, orange shorts, and yellow socks? WTF?


calicobebop said...

I'm totally with you on these. Max did the same damn thing to my daughter! I have had countless conversations with her that begin with "You. Are. Not. MAX - please use a sentance!"

And Yo Gabba Gabba - maybe if I was high I'd get it, but as it is I'm frightened. brrrr....

Cookie Crums said...

Nice to know other moms feel the same about this show. I have to admit I resorted to buying a few DVDs and popping them in instead of letting my little boy watch Noggin. And the big kid loves "The Andy Griffin" show. Bought that on DVD too.

Ryan Ashley Scott@Opitimistic Cyicism said...

Laughing my arse off! This makes me remember why I LOVE not having cable... until these freaks show up on the computer at Uck. Forkety-fork, ahahahaha! Thanks for the snorting giggles.

Soxy Deb said...

I have no little ones anymore but was recently (Christmas) introduced to Wow-Wow Wubbzy. The little ones in the room did.not.move.from.the.TV.
I think there may be a form of mind control going on there.
Me? I went to the liquor cabinet and all was right with the world.

Shana said...

I am kind of glad my daughter is older now... and doesn't have to watch wowwow Wubbzy or whatever. I had enough of Barney the dinasaur!

Brandi said...

Shit, I'm kinda glad I don't have a 3-year old. I see my friends succumb to this cartoon stuff too. Singing songs, knowing characters... I mean, I get it, you ladies need it sometimes, but can't you just throw on MTV or something? They will learn about Brody Jenner and Lauren Conrad. True heroes of today's society.

Two Live Cheaply In San Diego said...

Wubbzy lives in a tree
He loves to play! play! play!
He's got a crooked tail
and he likes it that way!

I HATE Max and Ruby. What an obnoxious show.

The Stewart Report said...

LMAO! I had to de-lurk just for this awesome post. My daughter watches ALL the same ones. Except Yo Gabba Gabba. I won't let her watch that one becuase I think the red character (don't know their names)looks like a nubby dildo. It totally cracks me up when he starts dancing and wiggling around and then I freak out that I'm going to pass my sick sense of humor onto a 2 year old