Friday, January 23, 2009

It's an Addiction, Sir!!

I smoke. You all know that. It's a gross habit that is almost impossible to quit. Not only that but I have the willpower of Amy Winehouse around crack, so quitting has never been particularly easy for me. BFF smokes too. This makes it even more difficult to quit. Bottom line, I know it's a gross habit, I know it's offensive, and I sure as fuck know it's bad for me. What I don't know is why some self-righteous people feel it is their duty to inform me of everything I just listed.

This wasn't the first time it happened, and I'm certain it won't be the last, but yesterday, BFF and I were outside *gasp* smoking here at work. We were in deep conversation when an old man walks by and slows down when he sees us. "You know if you have to hide in a corner to smoke that it's bad for you!" Astounded, we both turn our heads to him, trying to process what he just said. Without even thinking I shouted, "OMG I had NO IDEA!" BFF stood there still in shock, then a few seconds later the old man said, "You know, I never smoked because my momma wouldn't let me." (PS - I don't think you should still say 'momma' when you're 80.)

BFF's eyes got really wide, then she raised her cigarette, shook it at him and said "IT'S AN ADDICTION, SIR!" I'm sure she added the sir at the end because we're southern and have manners and shit, unlike this asshole. We both walked back to our respective offices, still fuming over what just happened. Then the instant messages started:

Me - "Did that dude just insult our mothers?"

BFF - "That's what I got from it."

Me - "So he was pretty much saying we weren't raised right?!"

BFF - "Well, we weren't raised right...but who the hell is he to judge?!"

Me - "Yeah, smoking is really the least of our problems that resulted from the way we were raised."

Is it just me or was this guy totally out of line? I mean, we weren't smoking near him. We were in the smoking section for pete's sake! And who the fuck is he to judge? I wouldn't go up to an obese person at a restaurant and say, "Do you really need that fried chicken, because you know it's bad for you." Because what aforementioned obese person shoves in their pie hole is really none of my business.


Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

eh, The Judgmentals exist everywhere. what gets me are the judgeys who insist on SPEAKING. keep it to yourself!

also? i have tons of willpower, but i don't WANT to quit smoking. so yeah, i feel ya!

word verf=desummer. "help! i have been desummered! MAKE THE WINTER GO AWAY!"

Candice said...

Sorry, but this was hilarious. It reminded me of the time my son (2 yrs old at the time) walked by a group of smokers, turned up his nose in disgust and said

"You know you lungs gonna be black from dat stuff?"

Yes, I died from embarrassment right there on the spot and profusely apologized for my 2 yr old.

So yes, I think the old bastard was out of line, and no I'm clearly not a smoker with the way I've raised my son to be a walking public service announcement.;)

calicobebop said...

Those types of people really get on my nerves. I used to smoke with co-workers on a loading dock and people would walk by saying inane things like "you know those will kill you."

No really? I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA! I'd better throw it on the ground and stamp it out right now!


Amber D. said...

I know you're supposed to respect your elders and shit but it took all I had not to flick my still burning cigarette in his face. But I'd hate to be responsible for him having a heart attack, then there would be the police report, etc, and I don't have time for all that.

Word ver = batmant. A superhero that is a cross between a bat and an ant.

Stacie said...

meh. I probably would have blown it off, in a poof of smoke.

I am like MOFM, I don't WANT to quit.

Average Girl In Average World said...

You kept your cool better than me.

Still funny as hell!!

BTW - IF, IF you EVER want to quit - I suggest Chantix - worked for me after smoking for almost 14 years.

Sassy Pants said...

Want to hear something ironic? I have a prescription for chantix I'm such a loser.

Pearl said...

I am a former smoker myself, so I can totally relate. People like this old effer just made me want to smoke more. I quit when I moved to the San Fran area where they have "meat eating" sections in lieu of smoking sections.

Call Me Cate said...

Hi, just stopping by to say hello. Thanks for checking out my blog!

Regardless of the situation, no way was he entitled to his comments. I might've accidentally tripped him...

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

@amber-- LMAO!! batmant... sigh.

Ryan Ashley Scott@Optimistic Cynicism said...

It is an addiction, but it's legal one! And just maybe you were in a corner because it is your choice smoke and you're considerate of others who choose not to? Where's the love for being a considerate smoker, right?

Mary said...

not a smoker, never even tried it, but I just hate people who feel superior to others- and feel the need to share.
Holier than thou? screw you!

oh lord- my word ver is in,
this old open wound is seepso!

Erin Jeannine said...

I used to (when I smoked) work with a woman who would print out internet articles on quitting smoking and leave them on my desk chair while I was at lunch, or before I got in to work. She is just lucky I never caught her walking in the parking lot while I was in my car, because I would have run her ass down. She would also leave me articles about laser tattoo removal.

You are an adult, you know it's not good for you, and that is the beauty of being an adult. If you want to smoke, you can. If you want to drink until you puke on yourself and then not remember any of it, you can. You'll quit when you're ready.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

That's like the old man who was admiring my daughters at Kohls (this was when they were little and cute), then asked me if they had the same father. Uh..okay.

I don't smoke, but I really have to take the side of smokers. Probably because I know a lot of self-righteous non-smokers, and they bug the shit outta me.

Soxy Deb said...

This is America. We are allowed to drink, smoke,overeat - whatever we want to with our bodies.
You should have just told him to SUCK IT! But that's not respectful at all is it? Whatev.

Shana said...

I have never smoked and I don't go up to people who do and say anything, although Marissa makes a show of coughing if we walk through a cloud of smoke outside the door of a mall or somewhere.

as a nurse, you will SEE what smoking does to you, and if you have one small desire to quit, you will after taking care of someone who went through a quadruple bipass or someone with mouth cancer or lung cancer or taking care of a patient with any of the other gazilion diseases that smoking can cause. Many people I went to school with quit before graduation or right after. It does something, I think, the REALLY seeing what it can do. More than just knowing.

Carrie Lynn said...

:follows you:

I think I like you.

samsmama said...

I can't quit laughing at Ambers comment. Basically, she didn't cause him to have a heart attack because of the time consuming paper work. Hilarious.

Cookie Crums said...

Pretty funny....but really rude!!

I agree smoking is gross and unhealthy but you're an adult and make your own decisions. What the hell is it his business? And to bring your momma into it.... oh heck no!!! (Those are fightin Southern words. :) )

It's like someone trying to tell you how to deal with your child. Which jsut pisses me off!!

Have a good one!

Jeanne said...

Not a smoker, but my BFF (who also happens to be my husband) is. A couple of years ago they made smoking all but illegal here in Ohio -- not in restaurants, bars, etc. He works by himself in a huge, deserted factory and he still has to go outside. I can see wanting to minimize the impact on non-smokers, but for crying out loud!