Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Let's Reminisce


I want to start this post by saying that we really aren't a bunch of raging alcoholics, even though it seems that way sometimes. We do enjoy drinking and sometimes we don't know when to call it a night, and that's when funny shit happens.

Let me tell you about last Christmas. We spent it at my in-laws house and on Christmas eve we have a tradition of making a ton of hoers d oeuvres (no fucking clue if I spelled that right), wrap presents, watch a christmas story, and drink. The ladies stuck to wine, but I'm pretty sure the guys were pounding whiskey.

My father in law flips houses and he had one down the street that hadn't sold yet, so we called that the Santa Staging Area (SSA). That is where we kept all the presents that were from santa so the kids wouldn't see them. The plan was for BD, bro-in-law and father-in-law (FIL) to go get the gifts after the kids were asleep. They were supposed to be wrapped and ready to go. Oops.

So around midnight the guys head over to the SSA and they are gone a really long time. I was fully convinced that they had been cuffed and stuffed on christmas eve for drunk driving. Just then they came in the front door with some of the gifts. BD didn't look so good. I asked wtf took them so long. FIL said one of the 'elves' was busy puking in the front yard of the SSA so it took them a little longer. Awesome. So I sent BD's drunk ass to bed and finished helping with the gifts. The more gifts I put out the more I started to notice how weird they looked. Some were half wrapped, some had the paper on backwards, some had tape wrapped around them about 8 times in one continuous circle. That's when I realized we forgot to go wrap them and the drunk elves had to do it themselves. I didn't even think about the name tags that night.

The real hilarity ensued the next morning. My two year old son opened a screwdriver set. I opened a pair of size 12 cole haan mens dress shoes. BD got a fuzzy robe. Apparently they wrappped all of the gifts and the name tags were an after thought. They completely guessed as to which gift went to who. Since then whiskey has been banned from Christmas eve festivities.

7 comments:

Erin Jeannine said...

Dude. I know you're not an alcoholic. My mom always freaks out when I start a story with, "we were drinking..." Can I help it if I am 100 times more funny when I'm drinking? Can I help it if other, random strangers are more funny when they're drinking? No. And this doesn't make us alcoholics. And you get a free pass during holidays, so your story doesn't even count. And I'm a little jealous that I don't think I've ever been so drunk that I wouldn't know the front from the back side of wrapping paper. Look out Saturday: now I have a goal.

Vodka Mom said...

oh sweet jesus that was DAMN funny!!!

I'm sending over a case of whiskey. Now, wake up my husband and send him the hell home.

Brandi said...

In Erin's defense, she might be a tad more funny when she's drinking, but sometimes I can't even tell. Looks like I'll be helping her wrap presents on Saturday.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

OMG OMG OMG i'm fucking DYYYYING laughing right now. it's INAPPROPRIATE how much i'm laughing!

i love you, sassypants and i want to have your babies.

ahem.

Pearl said...

Hey, how did you get that picture of my brother? Hahaha...

I just had to pop over here because I noticed you were a MoFM follower, and anyone who finds MoFM follow-worthy is cool in my book ;)

Hilarious post, reminds me of Christmas with my side of the family in Texas. Gah, I wish we were going to be there this year! We have a tradition of beginning Christmas morning with a bloody mary! Good times....

King of New York Hacks said...

LOL. Ban the whiskey , but open the door for Tequila, and more hilarity will follow. By the way , that Santa was in my taxi the other night, even posted him in a vertical position on my blog. small world. lol

3 Bay B Chicks said...

OMG! This is the funniest story! Note to self whiskey+husband wrapping gifts=disaster. (To be honest my husband wouldn't have the excuse of the alcohol...the presents would still be f**ked up!)