I had lab twice this week. That means I left the house at 7am and didn't get home until 9pm. Twice. Plus I have a cold. Needless to say I've been really cranky. Which brings us to our story...
We learn how to do our nursing skills in lab. Stuff like IV's, drawing blood, dispensing insulin...you get the idea. Last nights lab was on inserting foley catheters. I'll give you a second to google that.
You back? Looks pleasant doesn't it? It's actually a lot harder of a procedure than you might think. You don't just jab that tube up there all nimbly bimbly like. You have to have a sterile field during the whole procedure which is really complicated for a newbie like myself. So my professor is explaining the procedure and we have one sterile hand and one hand with which we hold the penis. The very life like mannequin's penis. And if we let our hand slip off of the penis to do something else she would yell at us. And she is a very large woman, so I had the penis in a death grip.
So I'm holding the penis in one hand and the foley in another, and she's going on and on about procedure. Then she gets interrupted by someone and they are carrying on this conversation about something completely irrelevant to what we are doing. And I'm all, "Helloooo, I'm still holding this guys dick!" Which is apparently pretty unprofessional, but I wasn't about to get yelled at again for breaking my sterile field. So my prof is like, "Amber! Would you say dick in front of your patient?" And I said, "well I'm pretty sure he'll be using more colorful language than that if I'm shoving this tube up his pisser." Then she rolled her eyes at me and told me I might want to consder working in the morgue. You know, because people are already dead there and I can say dick and pisser all I want and they won't know the difference.
Anyhow, I finally got the foley in that poor little mannequin. We were both traumatized and ashamed by the time it was over. I had a dick imprint on my hand for a good half hour after the whole debacle. Try explaining that to your husband.