Friday, July 10, 2009

And now my hand has herpes. Probably.



Why are most ER nurses bitches? (I don't mean you, Candice, we all love you!) I had an ER rotation last weekend. I say ER because I will never get used to saying ED, which is apparently the proper term now. Anyhow, when you begin nursing school they warn you that nurses eat their young. They don't elaborate on that, they just let you find out why on your own.

I learned why pretty quickly when I did my first rotation in the ER. It was painfully obvious that none of them were happy that I was there in the first place. It must have been nice to have been born a registered nurse, while the rest of us have to go to school for it. Bitches. They really act like they have no recollection of what it was like to be a student. It's hard. Nursing school is hard. And when the person that is supposed to be teaching you is acting like you're a bad case of the flu, it's even harder.

I was so excited about this rotation because I was finally going to get to practice my IV skills. My IV bubble was quickly burst when I was informed I was there to observe only. The fuck? Why would I come in for 12 HOURS to watch someone else do their job? I was beyond pissed, but did what I was told like a good little nursing student and followed the staph around all shift. But then, out of the blue, one of them asked if I wanted to insert a foley. Absolutely! I jumped at the chance. At least I was getting to do something. So I gathered all of my supplies and went into the patients room.

This was the first foley I'd ever done on a male, so I was a little nervous. I began setting up my sterile field and explained the procedure. Then I pulled the covers back and realized he wasn't circumsized. Jesus. As if this wasn't hard enough. So I pulled the foreskin back with my hand. And pulled, and pulled, and pulllleeeeddd. This guy had a 7:1 ratio of foreskin to penis. I finally get to the actual peen and quickly realized why I had been asked to insert this foley on this patient. He had mother fuckin herpes. Awesome. Like I said, ER nurses are bitches.

17 comments:

Erin Jeannine said...

I'm trying to come up with a revenge plan on those bitches, but I've got nothin'. Whores.

Shana said...

I agree that a lot of nurses are bitches.
I am NOT.
I clearly remember when I was in nursing school there was ONE nurse who wasn't a bitch!! One! Out of hundred.
When I was in school, I worked at a spinal cord injury hospital. Tons of guys, all needing catherizations all day. One old guy's forskin was so bloody tight that it was really hard to get back over, otherwise it would choke the tip. Kind of yucky as sometimes it took me more than five minutes!!!

Samsmama said...

Oh my gosh! Nursing school has really gotten to you! Or did you mean to refer to the "staff" as "staph"? Either way, FUNNY!

Candice said...

I remember my ER rotation in school and it SUCKED BALLS. I'm really surprised that I chose to work in an ER after that.

However, I'm pretty stoked when I get a student. They can start every IV assuming they're up for it. It gives them valuable experience, and I get a break. It's a win win. :)

LivingDeadNurse said...

omg...thats awful...what hoes...

Mary said...

oh my GOD!
Looks like a certain sassy pants is going to have to cut a bitch :)

Cary said...

You should've circumcised Mr. Cocksock right then and there, free of charge. He probably would've thanked you.

Courtney said...

LOL at Cary

onebadmamajama said...

First of all let me say I have the utmost respect for nurses! It is just not a job I could do. I'm sorry you have to deal w/bitches like that. I think I have run into some of them at the ER!

Please don't let them influence how you do your job. Good nurses are a blessing:)

Courtney said...

Check out List of the day!!!! You star you!!!

Nichole said...

You absolutely crack me up! Congrats on making list of the day!

Anonymous said...

I came over from LOTD.

I haven't stopped laughing aboutr the Foley experience!

Bridget

Frank Irwin said...

Having a foley inserted the night after was the worst part of surgery.

The next day, the nurse came in and told me I could take it out. I told her I wanted her to do it. "I know," she said, "Just stand up, and it will fall out!"

Um. No.

Mejis said...

omg eeeewww! Sorry you had to do that! What biotches!

LilSass said...

hahahaha! sorry for laughing at your expense but that's some funny shit.

one of my patients a couple weeks ago had a completely RECESSED peen b/c he was morbidly obese. thankfully no cath for him, i was terrified of that option!

Internal Optimist said...

Lol, I love it - you get all sorts around hospitals - I hope you are using a glove with the hand!

Anonymous said...

It is so funny (not really) reading all of these posts. I am a recent RN MALE nurse and I have worked in the ER at my hospital a couple of times. Just got my license so I am still working as a tech. I agree that about 1 out of every 2 nurses AND TECHS (in the ER at least) are complete nasty bitches who should be fired and replaced by nurses who actually give a damn about working with patients and can respect their coworkers. (There are a lot of brand new RN nurses who have graduated and will continue to graduate from nursing school who are more than willing to take those jobs, so these bitches need to watch out). It is a constant 'be ready for anything' atmosphere in the ER, BUT I have worked in corporate America for 15 years and the demands are not really that different. Yet, corporate America, as corrupt as it is, is nowhere as nasty as working in situations like I have experienced in the ER at my hospital. How ironic that these people are 'lifesavers'?!! For real?? If the general population only knew what goes on behind the scenes that directly affects patient care and outcomes....they'd stay at home and self-treat.

I am sick and tired of hearing all of the crap that different 'specialty nurses' bitch about to make themselves feel more 'Godlike' and 'privileged' than their peers on the floor. There are MANY floor nurses who can learn ER, CCU, ICU, OR nursing, etc. if they choose to do so. Many without the nasty backstabbing attitudes that a lot of current speciality nurses exhibit. Sorry ladies, I know that there are many male nurses who are this way too, but it is a much lower percentage than the female nurses. Why can't people act like adults...this isn't high school...it is called a job that nurses have chosen to go into to help others....that includes colleagues.