Tuesday, May 12, 2009

You should always pee BEFORE you get in bed

Big daddy went out with a friend on Saturday and I stayed home with baby boy. Because I'm a cool wife and I like spending quality time with the baby. We watched Madagascar 2 and ate popcorn and played monster trucks for a while. It was awesome. We went to bed around 10 and were sleeping peacefully, until BD got home. It was obvious he was a little inebriated because I could smell his dragon breath from across the room.

He climbed in bed with the finesse of an elephant and was out in about two seconds. About an hour later I'm jarred awake by stuff falling off of my nightstand. I pop up and see BD with one knee on my night stand and one hand bracing himself on the wall. "What the fuck are you doing?!" I said in a yell-whisper so as not to wake the baby. "I'm just looking for something." Yeah, okay, get your drunk ass back in bed.

So he walks over to the bathroom, slamming his knee into the corner of the foot of the bed and stepping on the dogs head along the way. So now pretty much every living thing in our house is annoyed with him. He was in the bathroom for about 5 minutes, with the light off, by the way. Then he walks back into the bedroom and over to the window. He pulled the drapes back and started lifting up the blinds. Not by the blind lifty cord, by the bottom of the blinds. "WHAT.THE.FUCK.ARE.YOU.DOING???" My yell whisper was getting louder at this point. "I have to pee." "The bathroom is that way dumbass!" So he closes the drapes, walks back over to the bathroom, locates the toilet and does his business. He made his way back to the bed and didn't cause any more commotion for the rest of the night. Of course he had no recollection of the nights happenings the next morning.

9 comments:

Mary said...

good god that was funny! I mean, funny for us- certainly not for him- or for YOU in the middle of the night...
but still, good for us :)

Samsmama said...

HA! You are one lucky gal. :)

Tiffany said...

Laughing my ass off!

LivingDeadNurse said...

Hey i apologize for my man accidently stumbling in your room...lol

my hubby does the same...trips over his shoes at least 2 dogs bangs his knee on the bathroom door and your doing good if he found the toliet...he actually fell alseep one time on the toliet lol

Mejis said...

That reminds me of my boyfriend. He's even peed in the closet before thinking it was the bathroom.

Candice said...

I guess you should be lucky he wasn't drunk enough to just piss all over himself in bed.

Sounds like he had a fun night. ;)

Erin Jeannine said...

Although it wouldn't have been funny to you, I was hoping he peed out the window. That would have been amazing.

P.S. My secret word to post is "slycoc." Sly cock? I think whoever makes these is a perv.

Maggie said...

LMAO
I woke up one night to LOUD resonating snoring.
Followed the noise and my husband was so drunk he was sound asleep on the toilet. Head back, snoring, drooling out of the side of his mouth....... men are all alike, just their names are different.

Lisa said...

The night before I had my younger son his dad and I went to a party. It was the night before my due date, but babies don't come on the due date...RIGHT? About midnight I said, lets go home. I went to bed and he proceeded to cook the nastiest smelling thing ever. He came to bed and about 10 minutes later went to MY bathroom and vomited ALL OVER IT. Knowing how it would be impossible to clean it in the morning, I put on a bandanna and cleaned away at 2am. I went into labor at 9am the next morning. Will was born at 3.40pm. Men who drink. Fun times.