Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Open Letter to Seasonique

Dear Seasonique,

I know it's pretty funny that I am on your birth control to begin with, seeing as how my ovaries ride the short bus. However, the real reason I got on you was for four periods a year. Who the hell wouldn't want only four periods a year?! Sign me the fuck up! So I made an appointment with my lady doctor and told her I needed a prescription. She laughed and said, "Why? You just spent like $15K at the fertility clinic across the hall." "Well yes, but if I can't get pregnant I may as well not have to deal with the bullshit of 12 periods in a year!" So she agreed and wrote me the prescription.

So we have established the fact that I wanted your product for the simple reason of having less periods, right? Then can you please tell me why the fuck I've been bleeding like someone put an icepick through my jugular (if said jugular was in my vagina)? Is this some kind of sick joke Seasonique?! You're a man, aren't you?

And then, to top this mass hemorrhaging off, I finished my last pill four days ago expecting to get my normal period so I can get off your godforsaken drug and guess what? It never came! The bleeding has stopped. Haha, seasonique, haha! Asshat.

Nearly Anemic in Texas


calicobebop said...

Oh no! That's awful - stupid birth control pills!

You're right, must have been a man behind the conspiracy. Jerks.

Anonymous said...

Can we write the same letter to Yaz? I have the same dang problem! Every time I see one of their dumb ass commercials I flip it the bird...

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...


i've been on the pill since i was 16 (okay, 15). when i first started dating my husband, i went for the depo provera shot because, hey who DOESN'T want only 4 periods/year? but it took away my sex drive and i had, like NO periods. so i went back on the pill.

i say suck it up and get on a real pill and see if it helps regulate you at all. i just recently changed generics (from, like Balziva to Necon or something) and there was a transition on the first 2 packs. now i'm good.

(i'm sorry, i know you didn't ask and this is TMI and you don't want my stupid advice. heh.)

(p.s., word verf = balki. i loved that show...)

Michelle said...

I am laughing so hard at short bus and asshat. I haven't heard asshat in YEARS!!!