Friday, September 11, 2009

Let's talk about pet peeves, shall we?

We all have them. Some people just hide it better than others. As I sit here, listening to my co-worker swish his motherfucking tea in his mouth for oh, I don't know, the thousandth fucking time today, I thought I would ask you guys if maybe I was the only one that has a pet peeve. Am I the only one that thinks about an elaborate murder scheme when someone is making mouth noises near me. Mouth noises are my biggest.peeve.ever. I'm actually surprised I was able to marry anyone because it annoys me so bad to eat with people. Mouth noises include gum smackers, loud chewers, slurpers, burpers, and I guess I have to add fucking swishing to that list now. Who swishes their drink? WHO I ASK?!!!

There is a particular offender here at work. He sits right outside my office door. Like seriously two feet from my door. He can be eating a bagel and it sounds like a cow chewing on drywall screws. I honestly don't know how he does it. It's like he was sent here by satan himself to drive me batshit crazy. This is every fucking day. Every day I have to listen to this assface eat his breakfast, snacks and lunch outside my door. Oh, and we musn't forget his afternoon apple! We have a cafeteria ya know!!! Would it kill him to go eat amongst the rest of the humans, away from his computer?

What am I thinking. He has probably been bannned from the cafeteria for his vomit inducing table manners.

Sometimes I really feel like I'm being punk'd. He takes a bite, chews it with his mouth wide open, then takes a drink and swishes it around. Then he repeats that cycle, until my forehead vein is about to rupture. THEN he burps really loud when he's done. Like burping is perfectly normal in an office. Where people with ears work. Maybe that's acceptable in china, but not here buddy! That kind of behavior in the good ol' US of A will get a blog written about you and pretend daggars thrown at the back of your balding head!!

So...what's your pet peeve?

13 comments:

Lisa said...

How about people that eat while they are on the phone? Does it matter that it's with people that the offender is "friendly" with at work or that they are personal friends outside of work? I think not. It's still gross! Ick. I cringe every time! Of course, I don't deal with this person on the phone, but I have to observe it every day in person and it kills me! I'm just so embarassed for her!

Samsmama said...

I cannot stand being in a restaurant and a fellow diner adds sugar to their tea then proceeds to loudly stir it for 10 fucking minutes. Make me want to throw my knife at their head.

Mejis said...

I can't stand when people chew with their mouth open or make any kind of noise while drinking. Make me want to choke them.

calicobebop said...

Ah yes, mouth noises are certainly annoying. Sounds like a recipe for your own personal hell. How did you get so lucky? ;)

Lin said...

Ew, gross. I feel the same way about people who eat with their mouth open. It's sooo gross & I cant stand the sounds that come out of their mouths!

Mariah said...

I get sderiously grossed out by loud chomping

Erin Jeannine said...

My pet peeves are mostly grammar-related. I hate it when people say "pacifically." As in, "I told her pacifically to do it a certain way." Um...have you ever seen that word in writing? It's SPECIFIC you asshole! I have other pet peeves, but I don't even know it the comment space is big enough to cover them all.

KatieDavis said...

Oh...I so understand!! I am the exact same way with mouth noises. It might actually be the biggest pet peeve I have!

Courtney said...

I had a teeth sucker in my office this morning... I about shoved my pen in his eye.....

gert said...

Mouth noises are B-A-D bad, no doubt about it! But throat clearing is worse. My god, my husband does this continuously without even realizing it. And I can hear it all the way in the bedroom when he's in the living room. I've contemplated divorce and murder both. It's lucky he has a few redeeming qualities I guess...

♥Gert

Cookie Crums said...

Totally with you on the mouth pet peeves. Makes my skin crawl. Don't forget someone that sucks their teeth after eating....it's like they're cleaning their teeth.

Brandi said...

My old roommate used to make a sucking noise when taking a bite of a burrito. As in, she was sucking the beans or whatever out of the burrito when she wrapped her mouth around it. Disgusting.
My pet peeves are endless. But I thought that one would make your day.

Ciarin said...

Loud mouth breathers in a quiet room. Shoot me.