We all have them. Some people just hide it better than others. As I sit here, listening to my co-worker swish his motherfucking tea in his mouth for oh, I don't know, the thousandth fucking time today, I thought I would ask you guys if maybe I was the only one that has a pet peeve. Am I the only one that thinks about an elaborate murder scheme when someone is making mouth noises near me. Mouth noises are my biggest.peeve.ever. I'm actually surprised I was able to marry anyone because it annoys me so bad to eat with people. Mouth noises include gum smackers, loud chewers, slurpers, burpers, and I guess I have to add fucking swishing to that list now. Who swishes their drink? WHO I ASK?!!!
There is a particular offender here at work. He sits right outside my office door. Like seriously two feet from my door. He can be eating a bagel and it sounds like a cow chewing on drywall screws. I honestly don't know how he does it. It's like he was sent here by satan himself to drive me batshit crazy. This is every fucking day. Every day I have to listen to this assface eat his breakfast, snacks and lunch outside my door. Oh, and we musn't forget his afternoon apple! We have a cafeteria ya know!!! Would it kill him to go eat amongst the rest of the humans, away from his computer?
What am I thinking. He has probably been bannned from the cafeteria for his vomit inducing table manners.
Sometimes I really feel like I'm being punk'd. He takes a bite, chews it with his mouth wide open, then takes a drink and swishes it around. Then he repeats that cycle, until my forehead vein is about to rupture. THEN he burps really loud when he's done. Like burping is perfectly normal in an office. Where people with ears work. Maybe that's acceptable in china, but not here buddy! That kind of behavior in the good ol' US of A will get a blog written about you and pretend daggars thrown at the back of your balding head!!
So...what's your pet peeve?