6 months is just unacceptable

First, an apology. Someone should call BPS on me. You know, like CPS (child protective services), except for blogs? I can't believe I left my people hanging for SIX MONTHS. I fully expect to be tarred and feathered. I'm sorry for neglecting the blog for so long. I've been kinda busy. You know, making a human and all.

Now that we're past all that awkwardness, what have I been up to? Well...

*I graduated from nursing school and passed my state boards. SassyPants Mommy, RN thankyouverymuch. Although I am not working as an RN right now because I got pregnant right before graduation and clearly God has a sense of humor because I'm still stuck at this shit hole job until this kid falls out.

*I was put on bedrest 6 weeks ago due to placenta previa. I just got taken off this week. Today is my first day back to said job. While I am happy to be among actual humans again, it seems that my hormones may be running a little rampant. Case in point:

This morning I dropped baby boy off at preschool. I was getting him set up in the cafeteria with his breakfast. I turned to get my keys and water bottle off of the counter and it was gone. Cue crazy parched pregnancy hormones. "Who took my water?" The teachers looked at me and shrugged. "I need my water! It was right here, who took it?!" One of the teachers mentioned she saw another teacher grab it and walk to her class. Oh, hellll no. I proceeded to argue with said teacher, clearly appalled that she would so blatantly steal someones water. A pregnant woman no less! She wisely relented after a 10 minute argument and gave me back my damn water. I walked out to my car, proud of the fact that I didn't let someone take advantage of me. I set the water down in the cup holder, only to see MY water bottle already sitting there. Hi, I'm an asshole and intimidated a pre-school teacher into giving up her legitimate water bottle. Proudest moment ever.

*I fell down my entire flight of stairs and cracked my tail bone the week after I was put on bedrest. No one ever accused me of being graceful. And having to take a pillow to a restaurant was super fun and not embarrassing at all.

*I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. That sounds like a lot, until you realize I have 8 weeks to go until my due date. 8 WEEKS. Do you know how long that is? Foreeeeevvvveeeeerrrrr.

*While I am happy and blessed that we are finally having another child, I can't help but say....this pregnancy has SUCKED BALLS. Heartburn that rivals that of the recent volcano eruption? Check! Displaced pelvis? Check! 36H boobs that leak at the most inopportune times? Check! Cracked tailbone? Check! Back pain from carrying around said boobs and linebacker fetus? Check! Peeing every 5 fucking minutes? Check! More proof that God has a sense of humor? Making the uterus rest on top of the bladder. HAHA big guy. HAHA.

In regards to peeing, sometimes I wonder if it's even worth my time getting off the couch to go to the bathroom while I contemplate exactly how absorbent this pad that I'm wearing is. That's what it's come to people. I've also developed quite a talent for picking things up with my toes. And also, did you know that a can of Pringles does NOT equal a serving? I know, I was shocked too!

Also, I've been on "pelvic rest" (read: no sex) for like 8 weeks now. I'm pretty sure I've developed a horrible case of TMJ and will need to have jaw therapy when all is said and done.
I guess that's all for now. I have to pee. Again. I will leave you with this...