So there is this guy at work, we'll call him Hockey McLoogerson. He is becoming increasingly more annoying by the day. He moved to my group a couple of months ago. He is one of those "I know everything and if you've done something I've done it ten times better" people. Highly annoying in a meeting when he interjects his vast knowledge every five seconds. The other day I was in the middle of a presentation and Mr. I-know-everything kept on with the "did you know this and did you know that's". If looks could kill he would be a rotting carcass on the floor of the 4th floor conference room.
The one thing Hockey does that is like nails on a chalkboard to me is his incessant nose blowing, and loogie hocking. He either has one helluva coke problem or some allergies that need serious medical intervention. Trumpet nose blows so fucking hard I'm surprised he doesn't blow out gray matter. And apparently, that's not good enough because then he snorts louder than a baby elephant. The snorting is then followed by the hocking in his throat that seems to go on for ten good minutes. It literally makes me sick to my stomach, so I had no choice but to address it with the stupidvisor.
Me: "Do you hear trumpet nose in there? I don't think I can take much more of this!!" Stupidvisor: "I guess I never really noticed"
Me: **picking jaw up off floor** "You never NOTICED? It sounds like he's trying to mate with a lion in there! It seriously makes me want to vomit."
Stupidvisor: "I think he's been sick, maybe that's the problem"
Me: "Yeah, he's sick alright" **stomps back to office to devise revenge plan**
I am really thinking about leaving an anonymous note on his desk. I'm open to suggestions on how it should read.
Posting my new friend Crystal's suggestion: