Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Ghetto Chronicles Part II

If you read my first ever blog about Houston drivers you will see where this post is going. I left work yesterday after 10 grueling hours of working and generally being someones bitch. (And/or fucking off on the internet, but that's neither here nor there.) I make a left turn out of the parking lot and onto the road, hoping that I can go faster than 30mph somewhere between here and home.

So I'm minding my own business, pulling up to a red light when this biznatch in a gold corolla (with shiny rims, klassy) cuts me off and comes within mere inches of my front bumper. Being in a shitty mood in the first place, of course I honk at her...and may have flailed my arms a bit. You know, the arm flailing. It's the body language way of saying "what the fuck was that you gangsta-leaning-hooptie-driving-no-insurance-having asshole?!"

So I may have honked my horn a few seconds longer than was necessary. I may have flailed my arms a little more than I needed to get my point across. Whatever it was, she was not happy with me. She got in the lane to the left of me and just stopped. She stopped because she knew I would have to pull past her at one point. She rolled down her windows and turned off the music. "Shit, she turned of her music. She is so going to kick my ass."

I was thinking to myself that this it. This is where I've pissed off one too many people in traffic. I'm about to become the breaking news story on channel 2. "White female found shot to death in her SUV. Apparent arm flailing/road rage homicide. Full story at 10 o'clock."

I flipped open my phone so if I needed to dial 911, that would be one less step I would have to take. She looked like she was going to get out of the car for a second. I was fully prepared to exit the car brandishing my favorite pair of brown stilettos. Don't laugh, they're pretty sharp on the heel. I may be a wuss, but I could do some damage with a shoe. That is until she caps my ass, then I'll be left pretty much defenseless.

Thanks be to God the light turned green at that moment and my life was spared. I cut down the nearest side street to get the hell away from her. I got away unscathed, but learned a valuable lesson. Apparently you should just flip people off because the arm flailing gets you into way more trouble.


Lily said...

Eh. I love when a guy flipps me off... I respond with the index finger .5 inch from thumb - like you itty bitty weinie. They never know what to do to that *LOL*

Gotta love downshifting too - works wonders :-D

Crystal said...

omg i am loving the car!

also, i love getting cut off by trucks with those gigantic plastic testicles underneath. it makes me proud to call myself a texan.