Things I've Learned as a Mom

1. The bathtub in BB's bathroom, when half full, holds enough water to flood not only the bathroom, but the hallway as well.

2. When BB's bathroom is flooded, it takes no less than 7 beach towels to clean it up.

3. BD can turn several shades of red when his big screen tv is colored on with a crayon.

4. Add two more shades of red when he realizes the crayon wasn't the washable kind.

5. There is enough baby powder in the bottle to cover a small boy from head to toe, with enough left over to make footprints throughout the house.

6. Our dog, unlike most, walks away and sulks in a corner when jabbed in the face with a fork.

7. Pampers hold more pee than I even thought could come out of a baby.

8. There is no brand of diaper that will hold in diarrhea. I promise.

9. If you take a diaper off too quickly in the morning, it usually results in getting peed on.

10. Little boys think it's funny to pee on things and their Moms.

11. I've developed catlike reflexes when dodging pee streams.

12. Contrary to popular belief, a crayon can get stuck up a dogs nose.

13. Said dog doesn't think it's quite as funny as the boy who put it there.

14. You do get used to sleeping with a foot lodged in your cheek.

15. You do not get used to being jolted awake by a little finger in your nose.

16. When your son comes in the house and says "guess what I caught", do NOT let him open his hands in the kitchen. Escort him outside, stand back, and say "okay, now you can let mommy see".

17. When you get out of the shower and your son picks up your underwear and says "You need to put these back on", it's time to stop being naked in front of him.

18. Dads don't think it's as funny as Moms when their son walks around with heels on and a bra on his head.

19. When you force a little boy to wear big boy underwear that really, really doesn't want to, the result is him getting on all fours, pulling those underwear to the side, and peeing on your carpet.

These are all true stories. BB is only 2, I don't even want to think about what he has in store for me in the future.