I am so Kreativ

Ha! I got tagged again bitches! Take that, mediocre blogs! (It still counts if my bff gives me the award, right? Cuz that kind of feels like cheating.) Anyhow, Amber...aka BFF, gave me the Kreativ Blogger award. Even though she would like to change it to "Creative Blogger", because she is a grammar nazi. But that's neither here nor there.



According to the rules, I'm supposed to list 7 interesting things about myself. I'm not very interesting, but I will do my best. Oh, and also I'm supposed to tag 7 people for this award. That, I can do.

1. When I pass a cow pasture (stop laughing, I live in TX) I like to think that people only keep cows so they don't have to mow the grass. I even asked big daddy if we could get a cow. It would save us a fortune on lawn service. He said only if we could get a goat too. Getting a goat for the backyard is like the dumbest idea ever. So it looks like we will neither be getting a cow or a goat because my husband is ridiculous.

2. Man, this is harder than I thought. hmmm My left boob is like way bigger than my right one. It's like they have that twin to twin transfusion syndrome and lefty is sucking the life right out of thelma. And before you ask, lefty used to be named louise but now she's so fat she doesn't look like a louise anymore.

3. Once I was slipped a roofie in college and I drove back to my dorm because I "wasn't feeling well" and a cop pulled in behind me and asked me to get out of the car and then I tripped on the seatbelt and fell flat on my face and he's all "this is probably a dumb question, but have you been drinking?" I'm all "I had one beer I SWEAR!" Granted, it was big ass beer night, but still it was only the one. Then the craziest thing happened, he told me I could go home or he could arrest me. Like, do people actually choose the latter option? So I crawled, yes CRAWLED, up the stairs to my dorm room and puked up everything that I had eaten in the past eight years. My roommate came home, checked my pulse, and went back out. God I miss college.

4. I dropped my infant brother on his head more than once. I'm fairly certain that's where most of his issues stem from, but there is no way in hell I'm fessing up to that one. Who leaves a 6 year old in charge of an infant anyways? It's like my mom was asking for me to damage his brain. Munchausen by proxy, anyone?

5. When I was three my dad left an entire glass of wine on the table when he went to take a shower and I drank the entire thing in about 2 minutes flat. They found me passed out, half on the couch, half off, with a firm grasp on my blankie and drool puddling on my shoulder. And that folks is when my lushiness all started. Thanks DAD.

6. Right before I walked down the aisle I was like super nervous, so my gma gave me something to "calm me down". She neglected to tell me it was a xanax. So yeah, I was pretty much high (low?) when I said I do. The minister was all "I could see that you were getting misty eyed." No, actually my eyes were glazed over from the narcotic. Thanks GMA.

7. I thought it would be a super fabulous idea to get my clit hood pierced for my 24th bday. And it was awesome for a while. It was new and special because nobody else had one. After a while I forgot about it. Until the labor and delivery nurse went to check my dilation and said "um, you're gonna have to take this out." I told her I hadn't even seen my vagina in 8 weeks so that wouldn't be possible. Nothing says humility like a 45 year old nurse trying to take out your vag piercing while your in labor. Good times.

There are my 7 things. I will tag people later. I'm getting hungry.