Wordless Wednesday

Too much easter fun....

Happy Easter!

I still have a job!

I did not get fired yesterday, as evidenced by the time of this blog posting. Like I would be up at 7am if I was un-employed! My 3 year old doesn't even get up until 8:30 on the weekends. He takes after his mama.

Anyway, she used the whole "I'm very disappointed in you" line. Then she said I didn't apologize fast enough or profusely enough to her satisfaction? I don't even know what that means but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with culture. Every time she does something to piss me off I just blame it on the culture differences and move on. I save a lot of time that way.

So I pretty much just got a stern talking to, which is a lot less than I would have done to someone if they got me deported from Russia!

I'm probably getting fired today

We all make mistakes at work. Some are big, some are small, and a small few are so grande that you are absolutely sure you will packing up your office the next day. Of course, my mistake was the latter.

You see, I'm an assistant for a very demanding middle eastern woman. She has an incredibly busy schedule and travels most of the year. I have to plan all these trips down to the smallest detail. That might not seem hard, but when I'm planning a trip that has 15 legs to it and visas for 4 different countries (I shit you not, that happened last month), it can get a bit confusing.

It all started last week when she decided she needed to go to Russia...very last minute, as always. I'm known for being able to get a visa for any country in superhuman time. What they don't know is that I have connections and am not above bribing people with food :)

So I sent in her application and had her Russian visa in my hands in three days. That is almost unheard of because it usually takes 4 weeks. I was very proud of myself for getting it all together in such a hurry. Fast forward to Saturday. I get a text message from her saying this - "I'm being deported from Russia, you put the wrong entry date on my visa. I have no words to describe this." You know that feeling when your stomach falls out of your ass? Yeah, that's what happened to me times ten. I was in a sheer panic. There was nothing I could do. So she was on a plane for 35 hours for nothing. Needless to say, she's a little bit pissed at me. Actually she's avoiding me like the plague, which is almost worse than being yelled at.

So far I haven't been fired. And people are assuring me that it isn't the first time it's happened. We'll see.

More Waiting...

Tuesday egg count - 40. F-O-R-T-Y!!!

This is a picture of an ovary with 8 eggs. I have twenty in each ovary. Each one is approximately the size of a baseball.

It's like a party down there. And just in time for Easter!

My doctor called and said he was cancelling my IUI because "there is a very real possibility that you could get pregnant with a dozen babies."

I'm pretty bummed that all that money is wasted and all those frickin shots I had to take were for nothing, but I have no problem cancelling. I'm not a dog, and I do not want a litter of children fo sho.

Ovaries Don't Appreciate Smack Talk

Dear Right Ovary,

I know I called you a lazy bitch, and for that, I apologize. I honestly didn't think you would hear me, since your down there being dormant and all, not doing your job....or so I thought. You should have seen the look on my face when the nurse rolled the ultrasound wand over you today and counted TWENTY FOUR fucking eggs. What am I, a gumball machine? One, maybe even two would have been nice, but noooo, you had to prove your point. I get it, you aren't lazy. Now can you back the hell off the egg production? I will not be the next octo-mom! If I have to cancel this cycle because you were offended by the lazy bitch comment, there will be hell to pay, right ovary. I would sleep with one eye open if I were you, over achiever.

Signed,
Your sore and very bloated host body

The Most Un-Romantic Way to Procreate

As you know by now big daddy and I are on the C team of reproduction. It took two years and lots (and lots and lots) of money to get pregnant with baby boy. I actually considered naming him Cash. So here we are, several years later. No baby number two in sight. Lots (and lots and lots) of money basically flushed down the toilet trying to give baby boy a sibling. We are in the midst of our last hoo-rah, if you will. This is the last cycle we are going to throw cash at the fertility doctor.

We had a bit of luck with this cycle. The dr asked if we would like to be in a study. After he explained that study = save a shit-ton of money, we enthusiastically agreed. I left the office with $6,000 worth of fertility drugs in a bag, praying to God I wouldn't get robbed by a crazy infertile that had been staking the clinic out.

I've been giving myself shots in the belly for 7 days now. Tonight I start the study drug, so that means I'll get two shots in the belly every night. BD was doing it but I finally worked up the nerve to do it myself. And frankly, it hurts a hell of a lot less when I do it. He held the needle like it was the shower scene in Psycho. Side note - I hope the study drug doesn't make me grow a third boob or something.

I go every couple of days for an ultrasound and bloodwork - at $300 a pop. My left ovary is producing some nice follicles, whereas my right ovary is just plain fucking lazy. (I don't even know why I give that bitch a place to stay anymore.) When my follicles get big enough I will take yet another shot to make me ovulate, and then we will do intra-uterine insemination with BD's best swimmers. He doesn't even have to be present when the doctor knocks me up. He romances the cup, I keep it warm in my cleavage until I get to the office, and then the doctor inseminates me. Your totally jealous aren't you?

So send me some good positive we-totally-hope-the-dr-gets-you-pregnant thoughts!!